Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

After losing an eye while fighting in the British amy during World War II, Moshe Dayan wore a distinctive eyepatch. One day, he was stopped for speeding by a military policeman. “I have only one eye,” Dayan protested. “What do you want me to watch – the speedometer or the road!”

 From:

C. Fadiman, ed.,Bartlett’s Anecdotes

Dayan, Moshe (1915-81), Israeli minister of defense (1967, 1969-74) and foreign minister (1977-79)

A soldier in the forward trench was attacked by an enemy scout with a bayonet but managed to escape after a tough hand-to-hand tussle. Hearing the noise the battalion commander arrived wanting to know what the hell was going on.

“Look, Sir, I nearly killed an enemy soldier,” the soldier reported triumphantly.

“Well, Continue Reading »

Mrs. Jenkins, the wife of a pilot, told her friend: “My husband is terribly superstitious. He’s been trying for weeks to get rid of our black cat. He took him up in his plane. He said he would fly to a record height of 90,000 feet and drop the cat over the side.”

“What are you worrying about then?” insisted the neighbor.

“There’s plenty to worry about,” replied Continue Reading »

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your USMC Hummer.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if one of your relatives has ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if Santa Claus refuses Continue Reading »

A frightened private, just volunteered for service in the Army and very conscious of rank, had just moved into a new apartment when the landlord came to meet him.

“You must be the new tenant?”

The private immediately replied, “Oh, no, sir. I’m only a private.

I was in the USMC in the early 70’s, in LeJuene, in Motor. One Lance Corporal reported that he was working on his truck, doing endless 1st echelon maintenance, when a First Luie came over and asked what he was doing. He didn’t really know, so he just muttered, “Aw, shit,” and peered out from under the truck. Seeing the butter bars, he of course jumped to attention Continue Reading »

If the room temperature rises above 27 degrees during the night, the soldier has to roll up his sleeves four times.

If the water-level is higher than 1,20 m. the soldier begins without further instructions with swimming strokes. The obligation to salute is to be dropped in this case.

Reaching the top of the tree the soldier is to stop climbing Continue Reading »

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend ” My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade.”
The Continue Reading »

I was going through some old papers the other day and I came across an old letter which my step-father recieved(I don’t know where from.)

DEFENCE FORCES CONSCRIPTION NOTIFICATION

Department of Defence
Infirmary Road
Dublin 8

12th December 1990

A chara,

On behalf of the Minister Continue Reading »

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He’d just signed up at an army recruiter’s office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.

“Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs,” snickered one: “You Continue Reading »