An ad in a shop dealing in Valentine cards ran as follows:
“Valentine Cards Reading “I Love Only You” For Soldiers Now Available in Multi-Packs of Six”.
Dakota Tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. A recently declassified Pentagon document indicates that people in the Pentagon try other strategies. Specifically there are 22 separate and distinct strategies that people in the Pentagon try when they discover they are riding a dead horse:
1. Buy a stronger whip.
2. Change riders.
The tough, rough soldier from a backwoods country had just been assigned to the paratroops at his own request. His sergeant warned him: “It’s a tough duty and you’ve got to do a lot of dangerous jumping!”
“I know that, sergeant. What height are we all supposed to jump from?”
“Five hundred feet,” the sergeant replied.
“Nothing doing, sergeant,” the soldier said. “It’s too high. Can’t you all make it three hundred feet?”
A st asked a GI at a bar: “Are there many soldiers like you in your division?”
“What kind of questions you’re asking?” the GI exclaimed with menacing looks. “Do you think a GI doesn’t know about keeping military secrets and may blurb out to any st that there are 15,000 men in the division?”
Sergeant asked the corporal, “Well, I guess you’re one of the guys that will be happy to see me go? And I guess you’ll be one of the guys who come will come by and piss on my grave when I’m gone.” The corporal said, “Not me Sarge! When I get out of this man’s Army, I’ll never stand in line again!”
A Chinese named Wong enlists in the Army and while in boot camp, his sergeant realizes he is one of the dumbest enlistees he has ever seen. The sergeant tries as hard as he can but he can’t seem to figure out what to do with him.
One day, he decides to send Wong over to guard the Supply Depot. The sergeant reasons that even a dimwit like Wong can handle the simple task
The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broke into a store. At the scene, the cop told the Marines to “cover” him as he approched the store (to police, “cover” means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!). The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting. The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, “They’re shooting at me!”.
The flying instructor told a recruit: “Yeah, the only flying job you’re fit in the Air Force is that of an observer in a pilotless plane.”
After seeing to it that Italy’s trains ran on time, Mussolini was feeling proud enough to order the government printing office to issue a stamp featuring his likeness. Much to his dismay, however, postal workers began complaining that the stamps were falling off the envelopes. Every day, layers of the stamps filled the bottoms of their carrier bags.
Mussolini rushed to the printer and demanded to know why the highest grade of glue hadn’t been used on his stamps. “But it was, il Duce!” the horrified manager insisted. “We’ve looked into this unfortunate situation, and the problem is that people are spitting on the wrong side!”
from “Kilroy Was Here: The Best American Humor from World War II” by Charles Osgood
A man joins the crew of a ship. After a few days he gets restless and asks “What does one do about sex around here?”
The others direct him to a large gun barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the day after.
Then he asks, “Can I do this every day?”.
“Yes, every day, except Wednesdays”.
“Why not on Wednesdays?”
“Wednesdays is YOUR turn inside the barrel!”