Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

“Your serge will probably hit the ceiling when you get to the barracks tonight,” said an AWOL to his companion.



“Yeah,” said the companion, “he’s a lousy shot.”

A newly arrived chaplain officer for temporary duty (TDY) at a camp was assigned to BOC (bachelor officers’ quarters) near a picturesque body of water. He asked the clerk for a room with a view.
When the chaplain entered the assigned room and looked out the window, he saw a steady stream of WAC women entering and leaving the WAC women Continue Reading »

The Know-It-All

Doesn’t like to be corrected or wrong.

‘ Trust me I know. ‘

The Complainer

Always has somethig to say or bitch about, never ever satisfied.

‘ Again? ‘

The Whiner

Always feeling sorry for themselves, think world’s against them.

‘ Why always me? ‘

The SuckAss

Always Continue Reading »

There were 2 groups of soldiers waiting on the platform to catch the train, 10 officers and 10 NCO’s. The officers all had tickets, but noticed the group of NCO’s purchased only one ticket. Curious about what they would do, the officers kept a close eye on the NCO’s. A few minutes after boarding the train, the conductor Continue Reading »

1. ENTHUSIASM

2. DISILUSIONMENT

3. PANIC

4. SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY

5. PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT

6. PRAISE AND HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS

An electrical technician asked the store keeper:

“Do you have any four-volt, two-watt bulbs, sergeant?”

“For what?”

“No, two?”

“Two what?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Here are some of my experiences as to what it has been like being married to a Marine for the past 30 years.

EATING HABITS: When cooking dinner I am always careful to ensure that food is served on red and gold dinner plates. Food should be arranged in alphabetical order and in a clockwise pattern. Different foods should never touch each other. Continue Reading »

While on a super-secret night patrol somewhere in Macedonia, a U.S. Army platoon leader received an urgent call from a major back in headquarters.

“Sergeant,” said the major, “I need to know your exact location so I can bring my position map up-to-date.”

“Yes, sir,” the sergeant replied crisply. “I now have my platoon situated 125 yards Continue Reading »

1945 – NCO’s had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2000 – Everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 – you were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2000 – you spray 500 bullets into the brush, don’t hit anything, and retreat because you’re out of ammo.

1945 – canteens Continue Reading »

A Pentagon brass hat wished to place a call to a missile base, CONUS, but he dialled a wrong area code and got a wrong number. When the telephone call was answered the general asked if he might speak to the commander of the base. A long pause followed. Then he heard a man holler, “Honey, it’s for you!”