Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

The ship navigator fell sick when the ship was far from the shore in the open sea. The doctor examined the navigator and went into prolonged thinking.
“Well, doc,” asked the sick man, “can’t decide what medicine to prescribe me?”
“No, I’m thinking hard who, except you, knows anything about navigation here.

During troop exercises the unit engineers didn’t have any booby traps at hand. So they used the pictures of booby traps planted in all places to be occupied by the advancing ‘aggressor’ forces.
After they returned to these places they found the photos of ‘enemy’ soldiers near every picture

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
“Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted. “Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
“Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate

During the war in VN the street in New York was blanketed with snow and the cold wind was blowing from the west. Suddenly one of the street peddlers began yelling, “PEACE, PEACE” A cop came up, watched the peddler for a minute, scratched his head and asked, “What are you shouting ‘peace’ for?”
“If I [...]

General Dye retired from the army to a seaside town called Faye, where he spent his time walking kneedeep in the water. A friend on shore leave visited him one day, and reported back, “Old Dye never soldiers. He just wades at Faye.”

HAPPINESS IS . . .
Infantry: A good rifle
Armoured: A big tank
Artillery: A loud boom
UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire excercise
Armoured: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?
OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste

A Marine had been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he had ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, “How do you get in those pants?” The young woman looks him over and replies, “Well, you could start [...]

You’ve ever slept on the concrete under a wing.
You never go anywhere without your red and black pencils and yourline badge (including church).
You’ve ever said, “oh yes sir, it’s supposed to look likethat.”
You know what a pointy head is.
You know what an R&I trailer is.
You consider ‘moly b’ fingerprints on food an “acquiredtaste.”
You’ve ever

In a bar all night (how unusual?) time comes and the bar shouts “Time up!”. In comes Robert Mugabe, a late caller. “Sorry”, says the barman but ‘time’ has already been called.” Robert or ‘Bob’ goes up to the British sailor and takes his drink. The sailor fights like mad and gets his drink back [...]

The sergeant was giving his introductory briefing to a group of new soldiers.
“In the Army the soldiers should work hard, work and again work.”
A philologically-minded soldier suggested: “The proper English phrase for it is the soldier should ‘keep his nose to the grind stone.”
“Yes,” agreed the sergeant, “but here they do more than that. They [...]