Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

Private Larkins who had applied for transfer to the Military Police Corps was asked: “Why, Larkins, you a military policeman! How did you come to join the force?”
“In civvy street I was a grocery clerk and I’ve always wanted to be in business where it’s the customer who is always wrong.”

At the medical examination board at an Army reception center enlistees get an unsettling introduction to the military mentality. On the walls is this sign: “Please Disrobe To The Waist From Both Ends.”

PEARL HARBOR — The Navy has successfully conducted a new method of submarine warfare by successfully sinking a Japanese fishing boat without the use of a torpedo.
Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Thomas Fargo announced the successful test. “The United States has entered a new era of sub warfare.

The sergeant was giving a batch of rookies an introduction to their hard life and service in the Army.
“The soldier in the Army works 25 hours a day,” he declared severely.
“But there’re only 24 hours to the day, sergeant,” a rookie groaned.
“Then a soldier has to get up an hour earlier,” commented the sergeant adamantly.

At a class of Rangers training the instructor told the students: “A good Ranger is always attentive to everything around him – people and animals. He should be able to identify animals by sound and even determine how many of them are there in an area. Now let’s have an exercise. I’ll hide in those [...]

The following are actual excerpts taken from British Military performance reports:
- His men would follow himanywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from thisofficer.
- This officer is really not somuch of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.
- When she opens her mouth, itseems that

1. You thought CDC’s stood for “Complete in a Decade Course”.
2. You think of the Government American Express as an early out program.
3. Your flight chief issues you a signature stamp for your upcoming Article 15(s).
4. Your commander’s door mat has your name sewn under welcome.
5. Your reason for showing up late

During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle.
The Sergeant said, “How’d you learn to shoot like that ? Have you ever been in combat before?”
“Well suh,” drawled the boy, “To be honest, this is my first public war.”

What do Army grads and tornadoes have in common?
They both move around a lot, but they all wind up in trailer parks.

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet.
“Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the Army,” the general said. “Nothing to it–you’ll catch on again fast