Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

One day, a Army General was looking over the financial statements of the men in his division when he notice what appeared to be an error in one man’s bank account. The man, a private, had literally thousands of dollars in his account, yet made only the standard $790.00 a month that privates were paid [...]

There is a job opening at a highly classified installation. 3 guys (An 11B, an Intel troop and an SF Trooper) are applying for the job. Each interviewie is taken to a room and asked the same question. The first guy to go in was the 11B. The interviewer says to him. “We have determined [...]

The C.O had just welcomed the young army officer, shown him around the camp and was outlining the recreational facilities.
“On Mondays we have a snooker tournament, a jolly good show with the winner taking the jackpot.”
“I’m afraid I don’t play snooker sir,” said the officer.
“Well, on Tuesdays we have a darts match,” continued the C.O, [...]

An Air Force pilot, a Navy pilot, and a Marine pilot were flying a joint exercise in the South Pacific, when they all had fuel problems and had to eject. They landed on a small, uncharted island and were immediately captured by headhunters and tied to stakes.
The Tribal Chief approached the Air Force pilot and [...]

A drunken warrant officer comes home and commands his wife:
“Give me some chew!”
“You, drunken swine! I have spent the whole day running around the house and never sat down even for a minute! Now you’re coming home plastered and want me to serve you!”
“Never sat down for a minute, you say? OK. Let me fix [...]

A weary recruit was having his first day of Cavalry drill. His brain was reeling, his hands were trembling, and another section of his anatomy felt like a piece of raw beefsteak. The company was charging across the field in a full gallop when the captain suddenly cried, “Halt.”
The well-trained horses halted in their tracks,

This was a common joke that circulated during WWII among German Officers about the Italians, due to their poor performance in the African theatre. Translated it goes something like this:
(News broadcast): “This morning an Italian division encountered an enemy bicycle in Tripoli. There was an immediate engagement,

“You’ve got a touch of pneumonia,” said the medical officer after examining the new enlistee.
“Are you sure, sir?” queried one worried man. “I have known people in civvy street to be told they have pneumonia but then to die of something quite different.”
“You are not in civil life, Samson. You’re in the Army!” thundered the [...]

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We’re sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, region, specific crisis and a number where you can be reached. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the [...]

At the end of the night a Marine leaves a bar.

Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over.

He proceeds to kick her several times and when he’s done he bends down to her and says, “Not [...]