Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

Three soldiers, An American, a German and a Polish in the Persian Gulf war were captured by the Iraqi army and thrown into a prison.
When Saddam Hussein heard about them, he ordered the prison warden to execute all three of them by firing squad. When they heard the news,the American soldier, who shared the prison [...]

Essentially Complete
         It’s half done
Risk is high but within acceptable ranges of risk:
         100:1 odds, or with 10 times over budget using
         10 times

A GI reading a book. His friend cried in surprise: “What’s wrong, Jeff? What book are you reading?”

“English Grammar.”

“My God, Grammar of all books! What for?”

“I’d like to know what is the past tense of the word ‘Army’?”

Land War in Asia
Changed name from highly catchy ‘Schickelgruber’ to boring ‘Hitler’
Leaving his little mustache: not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln beard to instill trust among subjects
Not buying lifts for his shoes
Failure to exploit Me 262 Messerschmidt
Failure to exploit Eva Braun
Chose

A general inspects an army division. He’s lead to rocket launchers. Suddenly he notices a rusty bucket near the rockets.
- What the hell is that?!! Why isn’t it painted?!
- It’s a photonic reflector, comrade general.
- I know that it is a photonic reflector, why the hell isn’t it painted?

The sergeant in charge of a fatigue party peeked over the rim of the ditch and saw Private Larkin stretched out on his back.
“Anything wrong, private?” he shouted.
“Nah!” said the private. “I’m just waiting for the sun to go down so I can quit this hard work.”

“Aim towards the Enemy.” -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. -U.S. Marine Corps
“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” -Infantry Journal
“A slipping gear could [...]

Beijing (Reuters) – Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,” Fully responsible” for today’s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U.S. spy plane.
Officials have stated that at approximately

ENEMY WANTED — Mature, lonely, North American superpower seeks hostile-sounding and muscular-looking but internally moribund nation for international competitive bluster, mutual threat inflation, political-military gymnastics, and general bellicose finger pointing. Looking to fill post-Cold War ennui and lost missile

The commander of a unit, a crusty colonel, came mto his adjutant’s office with a letter in his hand and asked curtly: “Haven’t these people got the word on the proper form?”
The adjutant replied that the unit probably had not had the necessary instructions at the time of the request, but he was sure, they [...]