Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A GI admitted: “I was forced to say sergeants are superior to men. The sergeant made me say that.”

A private complained to his friend: “All sergeants are the same in the language they use. Whatever you ask them they forget how rich English is in all sorts of phrases and words. They use only one and the same stereotype word. Do you know what it is?”
“No.”
“That’s right.”

A farmer saw a parachutist landing on his field and said: “You must be brave to come down with a parachute in a raging gale like this.”

The parachutist answered: “I didn’t come down like this in a parachute. I went up with a tent blown up by the gale and just got back again in [...]

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.
I smiled

10) Mennonites are no good at taking orders.
9) Uniforms look too much like plain coats to urban Mennonites. Marching cadences can’t be sung to four-part harmony.
7) Drill sergeants take “go the second mile” literally.
6) Quilts aren’t allowed on army cots.
5) Ice cream isn’t served in the mess hall after 9 p.m.
4) Saluting

Something to think about this 4th of July…
Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?
Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died.
Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.
Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army, another had two sons

The Staff Sergent was mad one day and went home and told his wife to put on his BDU’s.
She replied, “I can’t fit into those pants.”
The Sgt then replied, “that’s right, I where the pants in this family!”
Later that night when it was time for bed, the wife gave the Sgt her panties to put [...]

Sergeant Stymson was examining a recruit’s knowledge of the sentry’s special orders.

“Suppose you stand sentry at night and see a suspicious shape crawling past your post. What will you do?”

“I’ll rush to help Captain Brown to get to his bed, sergeant.”

During taking over the squadron bar the old barman and myself decided we would have a night on the town after closing the bar for the night. We picked up a couple of local slapper’s and invited them back to the bar for a drink, this being about 3 in the morning caused us a [...]

Colonel to soldiers during some building task:
“you dig here and there, and I’ll go and find out where we are supposed to dig”
The same situation
“Anybody here an artist?”
“Yes sir, me!”
“Good! Draw me a square 3 feet by 3 feet on the ground, and dig it 3 feet deep!”
“Anybody