Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

Your ARMY TIMES subscription expired and you were forced to buy toilet paper.
You consider chewing REDMAN as good as brushing you teeth.
You spend more money at the CAV STORE than you do on your wife.
You get aroused at a gun show.
Your kids favorite reading books are the CASKA series.
You don’t know anyone who owns less [...]

General Williams was in a hurry to get to his headquarters on time early in the morning for an important meeting.

“Don’t let me miss my plane,” he urged his chauffeur.

“Don’t worry, sir,” the chauffeur answered. “Mrs. Williams said if I did it would cost me my job.”

The sergeant said at a kit inspection parade: “The stuff to be found in a soldier’s kit bag is positively staggering.”

A soldier commented: “And so is the bloke underneath.”

During the promotion consideration period the Personnel Officer was interviewing Major Jackson.
“Major, your service record says here that you got drunk when on duty.”
“Yes, but it happened 10 years ago and I’ve been a teetotaller ever since,” protested the Major.
“Step over, Major. Let me smell your breath,” said the Personnel Officer.

A pilot made a crash-landing on a strange airfield. He asked an erk: “Where do I go for spare parts and replacements?”
“The stores are just over there, sir,” reported the erk. “Can I help you?”
“Well,” said the pilot, limping along, “I want four front teeth, two new ribs and a fresh collar bone.”

A Pilot was asked: “What should you do if you had wings behind your back?”
“In the first place I would sell my plane,” he replied.

Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do?
So all of the recruits bar [...]

The Navy has announced that for the first time in forty-five years they will be presenting the ADM Chester Nimitz Award to a member of the U. S. Pacific Fleet.
The ADM Chester Nimitz Award was established in 1942 during World War II and is presented annually to the United States Navy submarine that sinks the [...]

Two members of the British Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph.
The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier

1. Can cuss for a full ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
2. Know that “Cav” is an abnormal condition that can be cured with testosterone shots.
3. Can remember when there were real NCOs in the Army.
4. Will fight with bayonets and E-tools just to save ammo.
5. Wear Corcoran jump boots in garrison