Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A naval officer fell overboard and was rescued by a deckhand. The officer asked the sailor how he could reward him.
“The best way, sir,” replied the bluejacket, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d throw me in.”

A lieutenant, fresh from a military academy, reports for duty to his commanding officer. The CO invites him to have a drink. He pours two glasses of vodka, drinks his vodka and takes a bite on a cucumber. The lieutenant drinks without eating. The CO refills the glasses, drinks his vodka and takes another bite [...]

A man had enlisted in the Army after serving with the Navy for four years. Upon his enlistment, he had to undergo the same physical and mental examinations as any other Army recruit.
After his interview with the Army psychiatrist, he was stunned to read the note which the psychiatrist had written on his medical report: [...]

Two Sailors boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Atlanta, headed for Norfolk. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a Marine got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Sailors. The Marine kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He’d just signed up at an army recruiter’s office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
“Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs,”

A HELICOPTER rescue crew, helping people marooned by a blizzard in the Scottish Highlands, spotted a smoking chimney just above the snow. Landing, they made their way to the chimney and shouted down it that they were the RAF Rescue Team. Back came a voice: “Get away with you! I bought a flag off you [...]

Two drunk GIs were returning home to their barracks. By mistake they got on a railroad line and started weaving along the tracks. One hicked, “Jim, I never saw such a long ladder with so many steps on the obstacle course in my service.”

The other gurgled, “It’s not the steps that bother me, it’s the [...]

St. Peter was standing at the Pearly Gates when a man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do with your life?” asked St. Peter.
“I was a policeman,” replied the man.
“What kind of policeman were you?” St. Peter inquired.
“I was a vice officer. It was my job to keep dangerous narcotics

President Clinton visits Saddam Hussein to talk about the UNSCOM inspections in Iraq. As he sits down he sees three buttons in the armrest of Saddam’s chair. When Saddam sits down, Clinton immediately asks, “Why the three buttons in your armrest?”
“You’ll see,” says Saddam. After 10 minutes Saddam presses the first button, and WHACK a [...]

A group of soldiers came to the river spanned by a temporary bridge. Not seeing the notice that said it was unsafe, they began to cross. The bridge keeper ran after them in protest.
“It’s all right,” declared the sergeant, not understanding the reason for the old man’s haste. “We’re soldiers.”
“I’m no caring