Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits.
A visitor asked a student: “Why you throw tomatoes [...]

A sailor said: “I’m a seaman and a captain.”
“How come?”
“A seaman aboard my ship and the captain of a rowing boat at home.”

An old-timer PFC in a unit failed to notice a passing second lieutenant who was obviously a newcomer to both the service and the unit.
The shavetail stopped and angrily demanded to know why [...]

An instructor who was fond of lengthy discussions at his classes boasted about his attentive listeners: “Yes, they are always glued to their seats.”

“No wonder,” his friend commented, “that they keep in their places.”

A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine.
It’s encased in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical moveable supports, one on each corner.
The front end contains: the cutting and grinding mechanism, as well as, light sensors, air inlet and exhaust, bumper and a fog horn.
The rear end contains: the dispensing

The war in the Persian Gulf has brought about the use of many new high-tech American weapons, weapons that until now had never been tested in combat. Most of these weapons have met with astonishing success, but none with as much success as the Stealth Missile. The Stealth Missile has the ability to avoid all [...]

The Army recruiting center received a reply on its inquiry at the FBI about the background and record of a volunteer applying for Army service.
The reply said: “We can definitely state that Richmond, Henry is a loyal American citizen, fingerprints including.”

A captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a long evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the Captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to a seaman above him he shouted, “Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!” The following morning the captain was checking the [...]

A trooper asks a sergeant:
- Is it true that man descended from a monkey?
- Yes, troopers possibly were. But not sergeants.

A man was being interviewed for a job.
“Were you in the service?” ask the interviewer.
“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.
“Did you see any active duty?”
“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”
“May I ask what happened?”
“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost [...]

From one ofTom Clancy’s books:

Commanding officer: “Alright! How about an attitude check???”
Crew (In Unison): “I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!”
CO: “Now, let’s be more positive…”
Crew: “I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!”
CO: “OK,