Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

Two sailors were on leave for the weekend and were bored out of their minds. The first sailor turns to the second and says,”hey, let’s go get ourselves drunk!”
The second sailor says “yea, but I only got 20 cents.
“Yea, me too,” says the first. “Wait I have an idea! Give me your 20 cents.”
So the [...]

An ensign is walking along the street, wearing different colored shoes – one’s black, and the other one’s brown. A major stops him and says:
-Ensign! Go home and change your shoes.
-I can’t, major, says ensign, the ones I’ve got at home are just like the ones I’m wearing.

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, “With the captain’s compliments. [...]

Hasn’t actually read the Koran, but has definitely skimmed the Cliff’s Notes several times.
Cries while listening to Carpenters albums.
Busy burning all his valentines from Osama.
Merciless chemical gassing of his own people was actually “a cry for help”.
Former school classmates who teased him now floating in jars in his den.
Wants 239th

Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying at the firing range. We had been issued our last round of ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they fluttered away.
Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials.
“Keep

An old one, and said to be true…
On 7 December 1941 a British corvette was in the North Atlantic leading the escort of a large UK bound convoy. The convoy had already been attacked by German submarines and several ships sunk. The ships of the convoy had become somewhat scattered and communications

I was stationed at N.A.S. Miramar in San Diego, CA in 1983 as a AD-2 Aviation Jet Mechanic ) when this message appeared on the Navy’s Bulletin Board requesting AD’s to convert to GSM’s or GSE’s.( Gas Turbine Mechanical or Electric )
I figured this was a good choice for me & my family, so I [...]

A Marine Drill Sergeant, known for his insensitivity and tough demeanor, during roll call one day ended his talk with, “Oh, by the way, Kowalski, your mother died last night.”
A couple of weeks later, he told another troop in the same manner, “Don’t bother calling home this week Johnson, your house burned down last night [...]

DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS: “Tomorrow evening at approximately 20-00 hours Halley’s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be [...]

At the reception a clerk was putting down the names of inductees.
“What’s your name?” asked he a man in the line. “Spell it.”
“0, double T, I, double U, E, double L, double-”
“Just a minute. Begin again.” The man dutifully began again.
“0, double T, I, double U-”
“I give up. What is your name?”
“My name is Ottiwell [...]