Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into the bar that afternoon. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and gave it to the bartender. “I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.
The bar-keep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful [...]

Some favorite Oxymorons
assistant supervisor
new tradition
original copy
plastic glass
uninvited guest
highly depressed
live recording
authentic reproduction
partial cease-fire
limited lifetime guarantee
elevated subway
dry lake
true replica
forward lateral
standard

An Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, “How long has your present employer been in business?” He thought for a moment, then wrote, “Since 1776.”

A Lieutenant, a Colonel, and a Sergeant Major were all killed in a common disaster, and arrived in Heaven together, where they were met by St. Peter.
St. Peter asked them, “What would you like the people on Earth to say about you?”
The Lieutenant said, “I would like them to say I was a great [...]

The soldier serving overseas, was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying:
“Regret cannot remember which [...]

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at work.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Inject

The following poster was displayed at an Army recruiting center in New York: “If you are a bachelor you’ll learn to keep the house and get an opportunity to become a model husband.”
A wit made this foot-note below: “If you’re not sent to a war, to be sure.”

(Traditional Story in Sci-fic Surroundings)
There was a hell bomb that destroyed the whole world. Everyone was wiped off the face of the earth except for two human beings-male and female. They never seemed to meet before. When they knew the other was alive they seemed anxious to meet and one day the girl got the [...]

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.
As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied [...]

A pilot landed his plane near a small town where nobody had seen any aircraft before. He was asked to explain flying procedures. After a lengthy and scientifically charged explanation a sweet young lady said: “Yes, I understand everything except for one thing.”

“What’s that?” asked the pilot.

“I can’t make out what keeps it up?”