Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

One day a Colonel, a Lieutenant and a Warrant Officer were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The Warrant Officer called out to God, praying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.” [...]

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and [...]

Two veterans were boasting to each other about their old army days. “Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?”

A Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so that he could pass inspection. He hoped he would not be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle, where he planned to pick up one from a dead soldier.
At inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, [...]

On board a submarine during a surface transit in heavy weather, waves were regularly breaking over the bridge. The bridge watch were getting soaked. As one particularly large wave was about to break on top of them, the lockout turned to the officer of the deck (OOD).
“Sir, request permission to scream.”

We’re sorry you don’t train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our apology, here’s a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.
We’re also sorry your front-line fighter planes can’t outmaneuver a 35-year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you’d like to purchase some surplus 1950’s-era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan…since

Pentagon brass hats decided to make wide publicity of the so-called ’spin off of military research for civilian purposes. Once a most sophisticated weapon was now put on sale for everybody to buy it for household usage. A salesman proceeded to put a new model through its various paces to a prospective buyer.
“This is [...]

PsyOps have been extremely successful in the past. During the Gulf War, warnings about B-52 bomber attacks were issued to Iraqi troops on the ground. Leaflets promising humane treatment if they surrendered were then dropped. Most of the soldiers who later surrendered were carrying the leaflets, army officials said at the time.
But a thorough

While serving with the engineers in Germany every February we used to do our intersection competition as Infantrymen. Not being used to walking every where, once we has finished a stand we would go to the nearest phone box and ring for a taxi and get it to take us with in a mile of [...]

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can’t find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.
Ranger: Plays