Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

5. You get all excited when it’s Saturday so you can wear “civvies” to work.
4. You find you really need Microsoft PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living to your civilian friends.
3. You think that “progressing an action plan” and “calendarizing a project” are acceptable English phrases.
2. You’re no longer

An American pilot who had downed a German Messerschmidt, visited the German pilot in the field hospital. Finding the fellow in pretty bad shape, the American asked if he could do anything for him.
The Nazi admitted that he did have a favour to ask. “The leg they amputated, on your next bombing run, could you [...]

General Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly open. When leaving the room she said, “General Smith, your barracks door is open.” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his [...]

An applicant for enrollment to an officers’ school was turned down.

“He’s too short of stature,” the school commandant explained.

“So what?”

“An officer should be taller than his subordinates, to look on them down, not up!”

On Sept. 28, a production B-1 Bomber crashed. The cause: a flock of birds.
The obvious question is, why not devote some of the billions of dollars being spent on national defense to build bird farms?
The Army could fence up thousands of birds in selected locations, and release them if enemy planes

Grinshaw wasn’t much good in the field, but he passed his written exams with flying colors and, eventually, received word he was qualified for officers candidate school (OCS). His sergeant brought him the news.
“Well, Grinshaw, I hear you’re going to OCS. I’m sure you’ll make a fine officer, and that’s the way it should because [...]

During the Vietnam war years, I was invited to join the Army – but I enlisted in the Navy. During the first few days of boot camp, our Company Commander – a crusty old first class petty officer who had been in the Navy for about 200 years – lined the entire company of new [...]

One of the happiest moments of my army training was when the sergeant told me “You are no more use than Jesus Christ’s bollocks!”
What I knew, and he didn’t, was that the Chaplain (a Major) was standing behind him.

One mouse tells her girlfriend she dates a bat…
- What is this “thing” you are dating ?
- It’s a bat – It’s a mouse with wings !
- But he is so ugly !
- Well, yes. But he is a pilot !

Short-sighted sarge: “Attention! You also, you little one in the back row with the red cap!”
“But sarge, that’s a hydrant!”
Sarge:”Anyway, in this place academics have to obey as well.”