Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A GI who got a very light injury in a pacification (read “punitive”) operation in Vietnam asked the doctor: “Doc, what kind of decoration can I get for this wound?”
“Wound?” gasped the doctor. “But it’s just a mere scratch! What award can you expect for this?”
“The Lesion of Merit,” was the proud

“Cadet Brown,” snapped the instructor, “why aren’t you listening?”

“Yes, I am, sir,” protested the cadet.

“Then repeat my last words!”

“Cadet Brown, why aren’t you listening?”

The young parachutists have to jump from a plane for the first time. The sarge takes every single one to the airlock and pushes him out. There is just one who makes every attempt to resist, but finally the sarge manages to throw him out.
One soldier shrieks with laughter. The sarge shouts at him:

1. When out in public you feel the urge to snap
your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
2. When you mention “Vegetables” you’re not talking
about a food group
3. You can tell if it’s a full moon without
ever looking outside
4. You can’t have children because there’s

The son of a war vet said: “My father was a great runner in his young years.”

“Yes, I know,” said his father’s friend, “I went through the war with him.”

The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age – of long duration) sent out an invitation to an officer (who was supposed to be the prospective suitor of her daughter’s hand).
“Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain Black’s company at dinner on the 16th of September.”
She was somewhat dismayed to receive the enthusiastic [...]

Some of those simulated tactical situations that they gave us were so
easy though. One instructor said, “You have two enemy craft of your tail
closing at 400 knots. What’s the very first thing you do ?”
I mean, how simple can you get? The obvious answer to anyone should
be: “do 450 knots.” (a knot = about 1.15 [...]

The military is going to the SILVA lensatic compass with mirror so that officers using it will be able to tell with a quick glance exactly who is lost.

A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt.
Afterward a friend borrowed the truss to wear for his physical. At the end of the examination the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers.
“Does that mean I’m medically exempt?” he asked

Paratrooper Hooley had a delayed opening of his chute during a training jump resulting in a heavy impact on landing.
“Were you much hurt in the fall, Hooley?” asked his friend?
“Not a bit did the fall hurt me, but the stop at the ground broke my leg,” explained the paratrooper who recalled the briefing on precision [...]