Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure “You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn’t open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there’ll be a truck waiting to pick you up.” The soldier checked his gear, called out [...]

Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
A: To justify their handicap parking.
Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change itsname to the “Opposums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Why doesn’t

A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room.
- Do I have any choice here, he asks a sergeant.
- Yes, you do. You may eat it or not.

While stationed in Washington, D.C., a man used Arlington National Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To his surprise he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police.
An MP approached him and said in a stern voice, “Are you supposed to be here?”
Unsure of what to say, [...]

…Chief’s birth certificate says EXPIRED!
…When God said “Let There Be Light!,” Chief flipped the switch.
…Chief’s Oath of Office is in Roman Numerals.
…Chief reminisces about the good times they had during Sherman’s March to the Sea.
…When Chief was in school there was no history class.
…Chief’s Social Security

Two soldiers were talking about their wives.
“Does your wife miss you much?” asked one.
“No, she throws remarkably straight for a woman.”

1. very intelligent but not very industrious — ends up as your commanding officer
2. very intelligent and very industrious — these are good staff officers; the best ones lose their industriousness and become category 1
3. not very intelligent and not very industrious — they fill in the gaps

Bumper sticker seen on a stealth bomber:
“If you can read this, then we wasted 50 billion bucks.”

An Australian journalist was stopped at a Syrian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked suburb of West Beirut. The Syrian soldier said “Get out of the car and open the boot!”, to which the Australian replied “I’m sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can’t take my foot off the brake or it’ll roll [...]

A sailor remarked: “If this storm keeps up we’ll have to heave to.”

A lady passenger who was sea-sick cried: wnai an uncouth way of putting it.”