Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, “My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces.” “Ha!”, said Army, “My men are the most courageous and I’ll prove it.”
Army calls a Private over from [...]

A GI returned from Vietnam.
“Hello, Keggs, did you see the report of my death in the morning paper in the column ‘Vietnam Casualties’?” he called on the phone.
“Er-yes, where are you talking from?”

A personnel officer of a unit was recuperating from surgery. Flowers were sent to him, with an appropriate card signed by all the members of the department. He took a look at the card with all its signatures and announced: “We’re overstaffed.”

1. If you have to take a piss, you can go take a piss. No questions asked.
2. You’ll never have to go port and starboard on the fryer.
3. Better pay.
4. The boxes of food at McDonald’s aren’t stamped “Rejected by Hardee’s” or “Not fit for human consumption”.
5. The ability to call in sick.
6. The ability [...]

A GI was asked by his friend: “Jack, what’s your idea of automation in the Army?”

“It’s when the soldier has nothing to do in combat but pressing buttons of a computer. His job will be done by some robots.”
“That is not all. Complete automation means that buttons will be pressed by robots.”

During World War II, a British pilot was shot down while on a bombing mission over Germany. He sustained terrible injuries when he crash-landed, but he was pulled unconscious from his plane and taken to a German military hospital to recover.
When he regained consciousness a few days later, a kindly

Two Marines were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, “I’ll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please.”
When he returned to the lake, he found the Marines [...]

It was an extremely hot day and the sergeant in charge of bayonet drill at an Army base was trying hard to get his listless men to attack the stuffed dummies with more energy. Finally he halted the drill and said: “Listen, men, those dummies are your enemy. They have burned your houses and killed [...]

In the Ozarks, there was a mountaineer that was reputed to have the best hunting dog ever, by the name of Co-pilot.
Three city folks went up in the mountains and wanted to rent him. “Good huntin dog, … gona cost ya $50 a day.” They agreed, and three days later came back with the limit.
The [...]

There was a Navy Seal and an Army Ranger and a Marine. They we’re on a recon mission and the Navy Seal gave away they’re position and were all captured by a cannibalistic tribe. The chief of the tribe came to them and said I will let you decide how you will leave this world [...]