Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

The company sergeant is briefing the recruits:
“For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father,
and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you
know what that makes you…”

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. “Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, [...]

Airmen had to launch two E-3 AWACS from a National Guard base after a heavey snow strom. Well after a 5 hour delay waiting for the snow to be plowed of, they were able to take-off. The planes taxied off and stoped a hundred yards to the flight line. The civilians had forgot to finish [...]

Three men met at a military function and started to introduce themselves to one another.
First man: I am a Major in the Air Force, married, have two sons – one is a doctor and the other a lawyer.
Second man: I am a Major in the Marines, married, have two sons – one is a businessman [...]

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
(Robert Livingston, “Flying The Aeronca”)
Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on
a sunny day. (Layton A. Bennett, “Never fly the ‘A’ model of anything”)
When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike

General Taylor was a great lover of written instructions to his COFS couched in down-right ‘gibberish’ to be incorporated in planning masterpieces particular to be issued in the form of operation orders.
Once his COFS asked: “General, what do you mean by this passage in your writings? I’m absolutely baffled?”
The general read it over twice, shrugged [...]

Dear Family and Friends, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, and the Department of the United States Marine Corps, to witness this exchange of vows, and see the love that these two dedicated, loving people have for one another.
“Wilt thou, [man], take [woman] (who was once referred as the “dependent”), as [...]

A couple is attending an Art exhibit and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback.
The picture depicts 3 very brown, dirty, very naked men sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat [...]

A Jewish kid informs his father that he’s decided to join the army rather than go into business.
His father inquires: “What kind of job could you have in the army?”
The young man replies: “Well, I start out as a private, but I could got to corporal or sergeant.”
“Corporal…sergeant….” the father says; “That’s no business.” [...]

Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver’s window, and taps on it with his nighstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with [...]