Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

Back in the late 60’s my old boat was at Annapolis showing the middies the wonders of the long black beast often referred to as a submarine. Due to the draft of the boat, we had to anchor out in deeper water and take a launch in to shore.
Here we were, a bunch of boat [...]

As a junior crew member Pan Am 727 Flight Engineer, I was listening to the radio waiting for start clearance out of Munich, Germany. This was the conversation I overheard (I don’t recall call signs any longer):
Lufthansa: (In German) “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground: (In English) “If you want an answer you must

Q: How is being in the army like a blow job?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Some enlisted men were having trouble getting past the guard at the train station. He said that he couldn’t allow anyone through without a ticket. Anyone! An officer came along. The guard explained, “Look, I like GIs. I mean, they’re protecting us, but I have orders. They’re trying to get on without a ticket.”
The officer [...]

A father is walking with his son around the year 2032 in lower Manhattan. As they explore the area the father explains to his son about the grandeur of the buildings and take on the sites. Suddenly they come to a beautiful park and plaza. The son is so excited at the beautiful park and [...]

The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they’re stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.

A producer was about to shoot a war film. He was interviewing applicants for the hero’s part. One actor delighted him: “You’ve got all the earmarks of a real GI! By the way, what’s your salary?”

“$ 1,000 a week,” said the Hollywood star. “Sorry,” snapped the producer.
“Privates in the US Army do not get such [...]

Commanding officer: “Alright! How about an attitude check???”
Crew (In Unison): “I HATE THIS F#CKING PLACE!”
CO: “Now, let’s be more positive…”
Crew: “I POSITIVELY HATE THIS F#CKING PLACE!”
CO: “OK, How about a negative attitde check…”
Crew: “I DON’T LIKE THIS F#CKING PLACE!”
CO: “OK, How about a short attitude check ..?”
Crew: “F#CK

A young boy was examined for admission into an officers’ school.
“Now tell me, do you always stutter like this?” asked the doctor.
“N-n-n-o, d-d-d-doc. J-j-j-just when I t-t-t-talk.”

A man decided to take advantage of the halo of mystery surrounding all sorts of hush-hush military projects. He painted his car military fashion (OD with a touch of camouflage) and stenciled the letters on the sides: USC 275-20-2552. From then on he traveled wherever he pleased and MPs waved him through the roadblocks