Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A Ranger from a ‘Green Berets’ unit was retelling his dreadful adventures in the boondocks in Vietnam.
“One day I was walking on patrol along a path in the boondocks and suddenly saw a snake.”
“What horror!” a lady listener gasped.
“But when I came closer to it I saw it wasn’t a snake at all, but a [...]

The chaplain delivered a sermon to an audience of airmen in an Air Force unit. A skeptic pilot decided to rub the chaplain.
“I’ve got a problem,” he told the chaplain. “I don’t see how I’m going to get my shirt over my wings when I get to glory?”
“That isn’t your problem,” said the sky pilot. [...]

What is the ideal cockpit crew?A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to
feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to
touch anything.
—
How many fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. He
holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.
—
How do you [...]

“How could you stand up in court and say you’re the greatest American general of all time?” a friend asked a general who gave some testimony in court some time back. “Wasn’t it a bit exaggerated?”

The general pulled himself up and explained, “I was under oath and couldn’t commit perjury.”

by Leland J Haney
Heard on the WBAA news in West Lafayette, IN…
“Members of the group `Gays and Lesbians Against Violence’ will meet with Representative Dan Coats in Indianapolis today to discuss his opposition to homosexuals serving in the nation’s armed forces…”
Call me silly, but I really don’t think

New soldiers walking along the street on pass noticed a car stuck in a mud-filled ditch. A dull sergeant, identifiable by his ‘Smokey the Bear’ hat, was attempting to free the vehicle by himself.
“Say, isn’t that our drill instructor!” asked one of the group.
“Hey, it is,” remarked another.

One day I somehow lost my sidearm, I had no idea how, but they made me pay for it anyway. They said I’d have to pay for anything I lost. At least then I understood the Naval tradition of the the Captain going down with the ship.

During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at least they would die laughing.So the navigator went down [...]

Scenario: A PFC is walking down the road to a porta potty and is confronted with a 10 year old boy in enemy territory pointing a gun at him.
1. The soldier will request permission to fire from his platoon sergeant.
2. The platoon sergeant will ask the plt leader.
3. The plt leader will ask the company

A rather confident Marine Major walks into a bar and takes a set next to very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No”, the Major replies. “I was just issued this new Marine state-of-the-art watch [...]