Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

In the jungles in the far-east, mosquitoes were a terrible problem. But one Commanding Officer used to sleep without his shirt in the open. The new chaps asked one of their more experienced seniors, “Doesn’t he get bitten by those mosquitoes ??”
The chap answered, “Well, the C.O. has a bottle of whiskey before turning in. [...]

An inspecting general dropped in at company barracks where he saw a rookie.

“Have you anything to say against your superiors?” he asked.

“Me, not,” was the reply. “But they do have.”

The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. “Colonel!” he spat out. “Yes, general!” the colonel quavered. “Your troops, your troops,” stormed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as [...]

Somewhere in Western Europe an American soldier got into the train. There was no one else in the compartment besides an old woman. The Yank soldier sat down at the window, looking out, and chewing his gum. After a while the old woman leaned over and said: “You better do not try to converse with [...]

While going through paratrooper training a paratrooper collided in midairwith another trooper, whose chute collapsed as a result. He grabbed the other fellow in a bear hug, and they rode the one good chute to safety.
“I commend you for your quick thinking and for placing comradeship above all!” said his commander.
“We had only one good [...]

Something had gone wrong with the truck. The driver. Private Gordon, climbed out of the cabin and after rummaging a bit in the motor, reported to the sergeant: “Everything is OK, sarge! But we can’t go on any more. The gear box has gone U/S.”

10. Everyone needs a new concept of Hell.
9. I figured a gun to the head was too painless.
8. You didn’t think history majors worked at a history factory did you?
7. I could easily justify getting fired.
6. I volunteered for a sleep deprivation experiment.
5. I don’t need a social/family life anyway.
4. I wanted to leave the [...]

A sailor’s wife received a card from her husband posted in a foreign port.

“A day’s shore leave here,” it said, “enjoying little syncopation.”

On looking the word up in the dictionary she found the definition read: “Syncopation — an uneven movement from one bar to another.”

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
“You simpleton!” the officer barked. “Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?”
“Yes sir,” the solder answered