Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

One telephone operator was in touch with another (at the other end of the wire).

“Hey, Jack, the CP is moving on. Will you loose off the wire at your CP. We won’t have enough to reach the place and I’ll give it a pull.”

As the Korean war was at a stalemate the US realized that they didn’t
know how many prisoners they had so they appointed a Marine Colonel to
do a census of all the prison camps.
He walked in the office of a prison and asked the ROK soldier there how
many prisoners there were.
“Many, many”, he replied.
“No, I need [...]

A MARINE dressed to kill with Marine shirt, hat, and Dress Blue Slacks went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his Hawaiian Punch, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink, she turned to the Marine and asked him: “Are you a real Marine?” [...]

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform.. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”
The lecture room [...]

A GI home on short leave was extremely unwilling to return to his unit so he had the cheek of calling his CO on the phone to tell him that illness had caused a delay in his arrival.
“I’m sick, sir,” he said on the phone, “I have laryngitis.”
“Then why aren’t you whispering, Nicholson?” asked the [...]

It was World War II, and the captain was attempting to rally the GIs on the eve of a big offensive.
“Out there,” said the captain, “is your enemy. The man who has made your life miserable, who is working to destroy you; the man who has been trying to kill you day after day throughout

Now that your nookie days are over and your pilot light is out, what used to be your sex appeal is now your water spout! Time was when, of it’s own accord, from your trousers it would spring, but now you’ve got a full time job to find the blasted thing!
It used to be embarrassing [...]

There was a Green Beret who had four daughters. He was in a habit of worrying about his daughters and always answered the door with a sawed-off shotgun. One night he hears a knock at the door and finds a young man standing there. The young man says: “My name is Freddy. I’ve come to [...]

A recruiting poster said: “VOLAR Needs L. S. M. F. T. Men!”

A boy asked the recruiting officer what was meant by this.

“All men will do: long, short, medium, fat and thin.”

A critic of a war play told the director: “Your production is very noisy – too many shots.”

“Yes, but it is a war play,” objected the director.

“That’s right, but the shots wake up the audience.”