Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. “You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.”
“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”
The following week the same soldier was back again with

1.  Admit nothing.

2.  Deny Everything.

3.  Act surprised.

4.  Look concerned.

One of the first evenings back from overseas, the understanding parents of a soldier’s girlfriend left them alone in the living room.
Naturally, they did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, the soldier noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching them from the doorway.
“If you will be a good girl [...]

The ship was sinking. An Englishman with a pipe in his mouth came out of his cabin and asked the captain: “Where’s the boat for smokers?”

Note: The characters’ speech should be spoken in a fake Asian accent. The r’s and l’s should be merged into an intermediate sound.
When South Vietnam was nearing its end, and General Minh was in charge, a popular artist came to him and asked to make a statue in his honor (at government expense).
“Please,

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. “But, wait a minute,” said the listener, “She’ll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won’t she?” “Sure,” replied the man. “Well, won’t they find out?” The man shrugged. “But who’ll tell?”

The commander of a force was surprised to learn that his force had been delivered many bags of sawdust. Investigation revealed that the QM wished to request beer under the code word ’sawdust’. But at the issuing end, the QM had been suddenly transferred and his successor took the request literally. The Force Signal Officer [...]

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he’d dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, “Listen, ’sir’, it’s real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of [...]

The sailor rushed up to his executive officer in great excitement. He stammered and stuttered. His exec lost patience with him and shouted, “Sing it out, sailor, sing it out!”

The sailor drew a deep breath and sang:

“Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And ne’er brought to mind?
The Admiral’s fallen overboard -
He’s half a mile behind.”

The brat of an Army warrant officer once addressed his father: “Dad, I’ve been doing sums at school all the time! Do you do any sums at your headquarters?”
“No, computers do them. You only prepare a punch card (it’s a card with holes punched in it) and the machine does the work.”
The greatly impressed Johnny