Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

An american commando school. A sergeant gives a lecture about the russian military:
“The Russians have infantry. One doughboy can kill three of you! They have sky army. One of them can kill five of you! And they have a super special unit called a building battalion. They are real animals. They ain’t even given weapon.”

The young soldier’s first child, born in an Army hospital, was wrinkled, as newborn babies are likely to be.

“If that isn’t just like the Army,” remarked the GI, “to issue him a birthday suit that doesn’t fit.”

In the mid 60’s a US Navy cruiser put in to port in Mississippi for a week’s shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:
Dear Captain, Thursday, will be my daughter Melinda’s coming of age party. I [...]

I have this friend who went to the doctor and the doc told him he needed a new brain. The doctor took him down to this room with jars full of brains. My friend looks around and finds a jar that says, Doctor’s Brains $1000/oz. “Wow he says I could be a doctor.” He looks [...]

This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.
“WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??” the drill sergeant hollered

A Colonel in the Guards was notorious for failing to pay his bills on time, if ever.
One of the debt collection companies was giving him a hard time and inundating our Colonel with letters and phone calls. In exasperation he wrote back:
“Sir,
I feel that I should advise you that my bills go into a hat, [...]

A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine got into an arguement about which service is “The Best.” The arguing became so heated they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon, they found themselves at the pearly gates of Heaven. They met St. Peter and decided only he would be the ultimate source of [...]

Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. “My sergeants are wonderful”, said one soldier.
“I wish I could say the same about mine,” said the other.
“You could if you could lie as I do.”

An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12miles, and says, “This is crap.”
An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched [...]

1. Do not take the machine into the air unless you are satisfied it will fly.
2. Never leave the ground if the motor is dripping.
3. Do not make any sharp turns while on the ground. Sharp turns will be made by lifting the tail.
4. No machine will taxi faster than a man can walk