Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Army, regarding the theft of some mascots from Navy by Army rivals:
“We knew Armoured were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate.”

COMPLETING her basic training at Lackland Air Force Base, my daughter Priscilla was selected for special training at Fort Devens, Mass. Twice a day, her flight crew marched a mile back and forth to class. They marched to chow, to church and to everywhere else.
On her first leave, Priscilla arrived at El Paso International Airport [...]

One day, four military recruiters were sitting in their joint recruiting office, moaning about the lack of qualified recruits. They were far short of their monthly goal, but the only prospects they had scored far too low on the aptitude tests.
All four looked up as an old man in a white lab coat entered, carrying [...]

The Car Talk show (on NPR) with Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers, have a feature called the “Puzzler.”
A recent Puzzler was about the Battle of Agincourt in 1415 AD. The French, who were overwhelmingly favored to win the battle, threatened to cut a certain body part off all captured English soldiers so that they [...]

A soldier was asked by the chaplain if he prayed. He said, yes, he did.
“When? Before meals?”
“That depends on what is served.”

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Going to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: “Do you know they are all out of step except you?”
“What?” asked the recruit innocently.
“I said — they are all out of step except you!” [...]

“Private, where did you get that rifle?” asked the colonel when the young soldier returned from the battlefield.
“I stole it, sir!” barked the private.
“You see,” said the colonel to his lieutenant, “they’ll steal, but they sure as hell won’t lie. That’s a soldier!”

An irate retired colonel stormed into a newspaper office in a great fume.
“In a feature you referred to me as ‘battle-scared’ instead of ‘battle-scarred’.”
“We are awfully sorry, colonel,” apologized the editor, “We’ll rush through an urgent correction.”
The retake called the colonel ‘bottle-scarred this time.

The Generations of Command and Control Warfare (as told by the prophet)
In the beginning, there was Hand-to-Hand Combat. And the sons of Hand-to-Hand Combat were Rock, Spear, and Sword Warfare. And it was good. And the morning and the evening were called the First Wave, or Agrarian Warfare.
Sword

A Marine walks in the restroom and sees a Sailor standing at the urinal, fussing with the thirteen buttons on his pants.
The Marine says, “It must be a pain in the ass to have to mess with all those buttons every time you take a piss.”
The sailor replies, “Yes it is! If I were a [...]