Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a beer and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world.
“It is the laser,” said the soldier, an man of obviously superior intellect. “The laser, because with it, you can determine the precise range to an enemy target,

Sgt Homer, a handsome dude, walks into the NCO Club and sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looks at Sgt [...]

We had a Recce mech serving with us on exercise in Germany; all through this exercise he had been nothing but a pain in the arse by dropping everybody in the shit in one way or another. At end ex a piss up was held at squadron HQ who had been using a porta-loo for [...]

This old Navy Chief Petty Officer retired. He decided he was going to college to collect his GI Bill benefits. One of the classes the college offered was sex education. The Chief looks at that, and says, “Well, shit, I’ve copulated with everything that walks or crawls, that should be an easy course

3 SAS recruits finally reach the end of their training, and are confronted by their drill instructor, who says to them, “Men, would you die for your country?”
And to this they all immediately reply, “Sir, yes, sir!”
The instructor then asks, “Men would you kill for your country?”
The squaddies

The Pentagon held a news conference to fully explain some of the military jargon that were being used in official news releases during the Gulf War.
CDHU–Collateral damage humanoid units–people who get in the way. Not that we’re purposely aiming at them, but let’s face it, it’s no loss really as they probably aren’t Christians and [...]

hooah (hoo ah) adj., adv., n., v., conj., interj., excla. [Orig. unknown] Slang.
1. Referring to or meaning anything and everything except “no”.
2. What to say when at a loss for words.
3.a. Good copy. b. Roger. c. Solid copy. d. Good. e. Great. f. Message received. g. Understood. h. Acknowledged.
4.a. Glad to meet

This guy with no arms enlists in the army.  They have to take him because Title whatever forbids discrimination.  Then along comes the Iraq war and he ends up over there.  He tells them “I can’t do anything.  You’ll have to give me a discharge.”  The sarg says no, “See that blind man over there [...]

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”
Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland

Private Klowsson was late from his leave. The sergeant barked: “Why are you late? You’ve got three watches on your wrists!”
“One is for daylight saving,” the man doubletalked. “The other is for standard time and the third is for mountain time. I subtract the first from the third and add the second.”
“But how do you [...]