Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

1. Weight (Permanent party)
2. Vocal Volume
3. Rote Memory Skills
4. Affinity for Starch
5. DPP Card
6. Right to Carry a Really Big Gun
7. Ability to Sleep Anytime, Anywhere
8. Instant Gossip Network
9. Sunburn on your Scalp
10. Permission to dress up like GI Joe all year long!

A sergeant entered a pet shop. “We need a talking parrot as a unit mascot.”
“Talking parrots have been sold out,” informed the salesman. “I see from your branch insignia you’re from the signal unit?”
“Yes,” replied the sergeant.
“Then I could suggest a wood pecker.”
“Can the wood pecker talk?”
“In a way. He is very well

One day, four young warriors turn up outside the pearly gates. St. Peter explained that before they could pass they must answer one simple question. Up walked the first guy. St Peter asked, “What’s 2+2?”
The 1st warrior answers: “3″
“NO” said St Peter, “5″
“NO” said St Peter “4″
“Yes; in you go.”
Up comes the second warrior. St [...]

A Navy ensign was given the following evaluation of his trial service aboard a ship during a cruise: “He may be a good officer for the Navy, but it is difficult to tell because he was sea-sick for the whole period of the voyage.”

A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say “Good Night,” what I really mean is “Shut up!!!”
   

A radio check between patrols in jungles was overheard: “Eeny, meeny, miney, mo, how do you read my radio?”
Not to be outdone, his counterpart operator on the receiving end replied: “Fe, fi, fo, fum, loud and clear with a little hum.”

Private Biddies appeared in his unit at last late in the night, but without his truck he was supposed
to drive.
“Where is your truck?” shouted the commander.
“It’s in the suburbs about two miles from here, sir,” reported the driver.
“Why didn’t you bring it here?”
“It’s too dark there

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi- annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are [...]

Colonel Gregory on the board of officers was interviewing an applicant for OCS. He asked him his favorite question: “Soldier, what are we all in the US Army for? What goal we’re working for?”

“Oh, to retire, sir,” was the immediate reply.

-Go to a costume party dressed as a pirate and see Mullah Omar over by the punch bowl.
-Attempt to imagine the cloud shapes look like imaginary animals…and realize they all look like side by side snakes
-Find out your enemy’s bombs are smarter than you are.
-Realize the “rules of engagement”