Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

My father was a medic in WW2 on Guadalcanal and Bouganville. He always told us when we asked him what he did in the war,that he spent it all in a foxhole. When asked how he got the Jap rifle during the war, his reply was that the Jap didn’t know the foxhole was occupied [...]

Mother with her little son was visiting an exhibition of Army weapons. The son got interested in seeing an antiaircraft missile system. He asked the sergeant in charge of presentation: “What’s this?”
“An AA missile.”
“What’s used for?”
“To shoot down planes.”
“Oh,” cried out the youngster, “do let me see you shoot

It was the visiting Admiral’s wont to appear on the bridge during the dog watches and order ‘Man overboard’.
A sub-lieutenant thoroughly briefed the bridge staff on what to do in the case of ‘Man overboard’ being exercised.
The next evening the Admiral duly appeared and said, “Good evening, Sub.” Immediately six short blasts

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. “Well”, he said, “it’s three weeks long.” “What else” , I asked. “The first week they separate the men from the boys”, he said. “The second week , they separate the men from the fools.” “And [...]

At the replacement center recruits were called by names during roll-call. The sergeant called out: “Grovenybloiverboxburg.”

A man answered, “That probably me. But what initials, please?”

A high-ranking officer about to board a ship was not recognized by the gangway sentry who shou-ted: “You can’t land here.”
“Some naval language!” commented the officer. “If I was to land here, I would go ashore.”

SH-RULE
A Navy recruiting officer thus formulated the problem of making

A traffic sign in an Army camp area: “Drive Carefully… The Man You Hit May NOT Be a Lifer.”

WW II fighter pilot
A reporter was interviewing an old Scandinavian fighter pilot, asking him how it was in the war.
“Vell,” said the old guy, “vee used to fly up dere and dogfight dem Krauts. Ya, vee used [...]

The ship was en route at sea and the skipper wanted to make the several time zone changes as convenient as possible for the ship’s routine. His memo to the navigator read simply: “July: Sunrise. I would like to have sunrise at about 05.45 on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Please arrange this.”

15. “You make me hornier before 9 AM than most people do all day.”
14. “What’s a pathetic weak piece of @#$%*! like you doing in a !&%#@$ dump like this?”
13. “Drop trou and give me 20!”
12. “Care to accompany me on a quiet, romantic, moonlit beach for a 5-mile hike and a hundred

An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.
“I thought I told you to go to the end of the line,” barked the NCO. “Why did you come back?”
“Because there’s already somebody there!”