Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A green sailor, crossing the Atlantic for the first time, woke up the second morning and anxiously inquired his mate.
“Do you think we’re on time?”
The man peered out of the porthole and solemnly declared: “No, we’re about twenty minutes late.”
The great brain took this right in stride. “Wonder what caused

Two drunk fighter pilots are flying in formation.
Leader to W1: “Can you see me?”
W1 to Leader: “No.””Can you see ME?”
Leader to W1: “No.”
W1 to Leader: “Cool, now we are stealth fighters.”

ALF joins the Marines and after training is sent to Afghanistan.
Because of his special nature and keen nose, he is put into a LRRP Unit scouring mountain caves for Al Qaida and Taliban fighters after a successful onslaught of U.S. bombing raids.
Shortly there after the mountains are finally declared secure and safe.
General Tommy Franks himself

“Sir, I’ll have you know I’m a West Pointer !”
“Hmph! You look more like an Irish setter to me.”

Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole.
“What made you join the Army?” asked one.
“Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin’ it – a shovelful at a time.”

“Why, I do love some moments in Army life!” exclaimed a new Army enlistee.
“What moments?” wondered another GI.
“When we march to the mess.”
“Yes, but. Oh God, what bothering periods we’ve got between these marchings!” moaned his friend.

One morning at the Canadian Forces Basic Training Unit in Cornwallis, Nova Scotia, the RSM was inspecting a recruit course on the parade square. He came across a particularly pudgy recruit and poking his pace stick into the recruit’s abdomen he said, “Private, on the end of this pace stick is a fat slob.
” The [...]

1.SOMEONE DONE LIED TO ME! THIS AIN’T NO 9-5 JOB!
2. ALL MALE DRILL SGTS’S EXERCISE IS SAG IN THE MIDDLE/FLEX YOUR BACK
3. THAT THEY ENJOY HAVING FEMALES TRAINEES DO LEG SPREADER EXERCISE.
4. “YOU PRIVATES MAKE ME SICK!”
5. I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SPORTING THIS UGLY A%$ HAT.

Private Tentpeg was assigned to the induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their SGLI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Canteen noticed that Private Tentpeg had almost a 100% record for sign-up for the insurance, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain [...]

An Australian journalist was stopped at a Syrian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked suburb of West Beirut. The Syrian soldier said “Get out of the car and open the boot!”, to which the Australian replied “I’m sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can’t take my foot off the brake or it’ll roll [...]