Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

General Norman Schwarzkopf was viewing the battlefield in the aftermath of Desert Storm when he kicked something in the sand. Upon closer inspection, he noticed it was a lamp and began to rub it. Out popped a genie who granted the general one wish. General Schwarzkopf pulled out a map of the Middle East and [...]

Q. What is the difference between officers and God?
A. God doesn’t think he’s and officer.
Q. What three words do Navy wives hate hearing after having sex?
A. “Honey, I’m home!”
Q. Why are Marines on board ships?
A. Because sheep would be too obvious!
Q. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
A. Platoon
Q. Why shouldn’t

Two Quaker ladies were arguing about Jefferson Davis, president of the Confederacy, and President Lincoln.
“I believe that Mr. Jefferson will win this war,” said the one lady.
“And why dost thee think so?”
“Because Mr. Jefferson is a praying man .
“But so is Abraham a praying man.”
“Yes.

A Jump School Black Hat asked, “What does those letters on your uniform stand for?”
The SEAL replied.” I’m sorry sergeant but that information is classified.”
“Do you bark like a seal?” He asked.
“No and we don’t do circus acts” replied the SEAL.

A group of civilian visitors was shown around the operations room of a missile unit during an open house demonstration. After a proud display of the latest in most sophisticated in war paraphernalia the officer guide asked: “I see, ladies and gentlemen, all of you are greatly interested in modern military

A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a publicrestroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. Thesailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him: hey, inthe marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.The sailor says: yeah well, in the navy they teach [...]

The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base “Requesting Radar”.
“What is you position?” asked ATC
“You got radar you find us” Air Force One replied.
After a few minutes ATC announced “Air Force One we’re changing frequency”
“What frequency are you changing to?” asked Air [...]

The CO of the company was introducing the main points of the daily routine to enlistees.
“You must get up at five o’clock.”
One of the enlistees commented: “I usually get up at twelve…, but I’ll force myself to sleep till five.”

A volunteer was questioned at the recruiting center to see his IQ.

“What’s Old Glory?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s that you see flying over the house?”

“Oh, yes, pigeons.”

An airman rushed into the air traffic control point.

“Sir, Cadet Jones has just made a one-point landing!”

“What?” cried the instructor. “Where the blazes Is he?”

“Stuck on the church steeple, sir,” specified the airman.