Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

In the mid-eighties, when it was still fashionable to sell weapons to the war-torn Middle East, Britain shipped 6 Harrier jump jets to Syria. During delivery, these were landed in an airfield in Cyprus for the night, where they were to be guarded by a crack squad of local Greek soldiers.
Sadly, this turned out to [...]

For days the ship had been plying the lonely winter waters of the extreme north. The seas and weather made life unfit for man or beast. Only deck watchstanders, beneath heavy layers of foul weather apparel, subjected themselves to the endless punishment of the elements. One watch over the phone circuit came the following:
“Lockouts,

Imagine a company of REME trainees on the Arborfield parade square one fine morning in 1970 and, as usual, we were a rag-tag outfit. The CSM walks on with a bellow: “God give me strength.”
At this, 2 Privates take one pace forward from the front rank and come to a halt.
“Just what the fxxx do [...]

General Ulysses S. Grant was asked which of the many war songs he liked best. He mentioned that he was a poor person to ask such a question because, “I know only two tunes. One of them is Yankee Doodle. The other isn’t.”

“Does that war film have a happy ending?”

“Sure, everybody was glad it was over.”

Why did I Marry a Sailor? When the last line has been cast, and you’re left alone,
You wonder….. Why did I marry a Sailor?
When it is the 27th of the month and you only have 84 cents,
You wonder…… Why did I marry a Sailor?
When the washer won’t wash, the dryer wont dry, and the vacuum [...]

The commander was having four Rangers from his unit on the carpet.

“Well, lads, how do you explain your disgraceful conduct last night when all four of you took to flight from one drunk infantryman with a toy pistol?”

“We failed to find out which of us he was after, sir.”

The Chaplain had been assigned TAD to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialsts) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when [...]

A retired corporal was telling a friend how he handled officers during his service years. “It didn’t matter if he was a general, an admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I told those guys exactly where to get off.
“Wow,” his friend said. “What was your job in the service?”
“Elevator operator in the Pentagon.”

The order was to account for the round consumed by a sentry on duty in a camp in the desert—by turning in the empty cases and showing what he had shot.
One morning the officer in charge found a shoe box tied with string on his desk. Upon opening it, he discovered five empty shells, a [...]