Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:
Haircuts
Marines: Heads will be shaved.
Army: Stylish flat-top’s for all recruits.
Navy: No haircut standard

Most of you know that Patton was a well known Army General. What you may not know is that Patton hated Marines. As a matter of fact, he hated Marines so much that whe he died and went to Heaven, he had only one request of St. Peter before entering:
“St. Peter” said Patton “I am [...]

“Anybody here know shorthand?” asked the sergeant. Five eager beavers stepped forward.
“Then get over to the mess hall,” bellowed the serge. “They’re short-handed.”
An old-timer commented: “In the Army you never volunteer for anything except certain death.”

Scene: The Seven Days War between Israel and all its neighbors… Egypt in particular. There is an Egyptian general and his Russian advisor. The Israelis rout the Egyptians. General turns to advisor: What do I do?
 A: Fall back, regroup and counter attack.
So he does and the Israelis rout them again. This happens two, three times…both [...]

A sailor came home from a secret two-year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
“Was it my friend Marvin?” he demanded.
“No!” his weeping wife replied.
“Was it my friend Jerry then?” he asked.
“NO!” she said even more upset.
“Well [...]

A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his carrier one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
“No, sir, but it’s not the same thing, [...]

An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who’d had the tougher career.
“I did 30 years in the Corps,” the Marine declared proudly, “and fought in three of my country’s wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, [...]

Background: It helps to know that Poland has, for centuries, been the hapless buffer state between Russia and Prussia, the most militaristic part of all Germany.
Russia has been a problem to Poland, but Prussia the Poles loathe.
Joke: A Polish soldier is in the field and has one bullet left. A Russian coming from the east, [...]

A traffic cop stopped a speeding car driven by an Air Force officer. “Was I driving too fast?” the pilot asked.
“No, you were flying too low,” commented the motor cop.

At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked:
“What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that object on this map?”
“That object, naturally.”
“What makes you think that?”
” ‘Cause we can see the moon any clear night, and we can’t see that object even at day time.”