Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the General’s new bird dog, “Sarge.”
The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and [...]

“My father was a communications man in the war,” said a boy to another. “And he was a great hero.”
“Really?”
“Yes, to keep the enemy from getting a very secret message he ate the carrier-pigeon.”

U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I know I couldn’t hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others [...]

A fat boy was turned down at an Army reception center where he wished to volunteer for service with he Rangers. “You’re no good for Uncle Sam’s Army,” the recruiting officer said. “You fat fellows are good-natured-you can’t either fight or run.”

Some time after the war, several men in a bar room were talking about wars and their battle deeds. The talk turned on a specific battle. An ex-lieutenant, telling his portion of it, was interrupted by a former captain who corrected him on several points. He, in turn, was contradicted by a man who claimed [...]

A Navy Chief and a Coast Guard Chief die and go to heaven.
Pope John Paul dies of old age and finds himself at the gates of Heaven at 0300. He knocks on the gate and a very sleepy-eyed watchman opens the gate and asks, “Wadda you want?”
“I’m the recently deceased Pope and have done 63 [...]

1. You set your alarm clock to 5:32 instead of 5:30 just to get 2 minutes extra of sleep.
2. You never look forward to the weekends because you have to go to tour squad
3. You look forward to the weekends because its your only chance to get out.
4. Every friday you go get on ranks [...]

[A true story.]
Back in the summmer 1980, some friends and I toured the USS John Hancock, a guided missle destroyer as I recall, when it was anchored in the Chesapeake Bay off of Annapolis. While we were in the forward torpedo room, the sailor conducting that part of the tour talked about the time the [...]

A British officer spotted a “busker” (street singer/bum) at the bottom of the escalator of the London Underground. The busker had a sign which read: “VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR.” The officer thought, “Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!” Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, the officer took 20 pounds out [...]

The tactics instructor at a school was surprised to see a cadet standing on his head when he entered the classroom.
“What’s the matter, Fainburg?” he asked. “You’ve told me, sir, I should turn over things in my mind before giving a solution of a tactical problem.”
 
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