Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

A Washington think tank has announced a breakthrough in the search for a pattern in US military activities since World War II that might predict what the future missions of the US will be in the post-Cold War world.
“We think they are spelling out a message,” explained an unnamed spokesperson. “Just look at the places [...]

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!”
“Yes sir, b . . . b . . . but I got them b . . . broken in an accident,” [...]

France’s elite airborne rangers have just changed their name to “reflect their new image in helping to defend the entire European Union.” At least, that’s what their spokesman claimed.
The real reason? Now that they are training with groups that speak English, their old name “Commandos de Recherche et d’Action en Profondeur” (Long-Range Search and Action [...]

MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship. (Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue

Rumor has it that this was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnel Douglas Website by an employee with a sense of humor (The company, however, didn’t find it all that funny)
——————————————————-
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
to fill

I. Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.
II. Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.
III. Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.
IV. Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies’ eyes [...]

1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.
2. Surround yourself with 200 people that you don’t really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul language [...]

Sergeant O’Brien was reputed to be the toughest noncom in the Army. One night while on pass he was whooping it up in a local San Francisco saloon. The more he drank the noisier he got, until the bartender refused to serve him another drink.
“What?” roared O’Brien. “Gimme whiskey or I’ll rip this

In this particular branch of the Army’s officer training school, the instructor was returning a test. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security number. In the early hours of a morning, the instructor was calling the numbers.
“Four-seven-seven-zero?” he asked.
“Here,” replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though,
he realized

An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35lb. ruck on his back, 15lb. weapon in his hands, after having marched 12 miles, and says, “This is shit”.
An airborne infantryman stands in the rain with a 45lb. ruck on his back, weapon in hand, after having marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, [...]