Out of step – Military jokes and military humor blog

ON MY FIRST day as an MP, my partner and I were approaching an intersection when the car in front of us went flying through a red light. As I started to pursue the car, my partner reached over and turned on our lights and siren. Instinctively, I slowed down and pulled over.
When my partner [...]

The Old Man liked to call the whole staff in his headquarters office in to listen to extremely stale jokes he picked up somewhere. He was just having such a party and everybody but one lieutenant in the corner laughed uproariously. “What’s the matter, lieutenant,” grumbled the Old Man. “Haven’t you got a sense of [...]

One morning at the Canadian Forces Basic Training Unit in Cornwallis, Nova Scotia, the RSM was inspecting a recruit course on the parade square. He came across a particularly pudgy recruit and poking his pace stick into the recruit’s abdomen he said, “Private, on the end of this pace stick is a fat slob.” The [...]

“[The] equipment… among the most vital to our success in Africa and Europe were the bulldozer, the jeep, the 2 1/2 ton truck, and the C-47 airplane. Curiously enough, none of these is designed for combat.”
U.S. General Dwight D. Eisenhower

During exercises I was always intrigued to discover that large numbers of Marines used to queue up outside my helicopter, presumably hoping to be transported in my aircraft. I used fondly to imagine that they had instinctively recognised my talents as a pilot, until it was eventually revealed to me that the reason for my [...]

A listener had been listening to a bragging pilot in the USAF uniform, telling fanciful tales about his wonderful flights for a while, then commented:
“Now I’ve understood fully the expression ‘Flight of Fancy’.”

Not sure how it ever got started, but a tradition in the Navy is all of the pilots dance with the Wing Commander’s wife. I walked over at a dance once and asked if she’d like to dance and she said, “I don’t dance with a child.”
I smiled, bowed, and replied, “Oh ! I’m sorry. [...]

A new enlistee had to have his long hair and sideburns cut. As he sat down in the barber chair, the barber asked, to his surprise, if he’d like to keep his sideburns.
“Oh, yes!” he said gratefully. Whereupon the barber cut off the sideburns and said, “Here — catch!”

Two second lieutenants were standing on a street corner one evening when a little mongrel dog trotting by mistook one of them for a fire-plug. The second lieutenant looked down in amazement.

“How in heck did that dog know I was a second lieutenant?” he cried.

Q: Does the Army help to become independent?
A: I don’t know, but I will ask the sarge.
Q: Does the soldier become apathetic in the Army?
A: I don’t care.
Q: Why do the new foldable spades of the airforce have small red buttons?
A: If you press the red button, you will see an infantryman