Out of step - Military jokes and military humor blog.2008-07-06T04:25:45ZValidallCopyright 2008, ValidallSPHPBLOGU-Boat"No," he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment."
]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080518-0115332008-05-17T00:00:00Z2008-05-17T00:00:00ZThe General-in-training"What happened on June 6, 1944?" "We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!" "What was the turning point of world war 2?" "Battle of the bulge, sir!" "What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I don't know, sir!" The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday"]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080515-0110372008-05-14T00:00:00Z2008-05-14T00:00:00ZYou may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you never wear underwear under your fatigues.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you asked where’s the suspenders when they issued you your uniform clothing at boot camp.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you refer to your D.I. as uncle sarge.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you think Parris Island Boot Camp is like gator hunting in the bayous.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you show up at the induction center and ask where do I bunk my Arkansas Razor Hog?
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you take a piss on the fire hydrant.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you ask where’s the general store?
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you ask can I have a horse?
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you attempt to load your M-16 one round at a time.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you refer to the D.I. as a good ole' boy.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you refer to people of non white origin as ‘Colored Folk.’
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you think Shit-on-a-Shingle is GREAT Food!
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you refer to the Navy Nurses as ‘Women Folk.’
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you pass out from getting your inoculation shots.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you follow a bumblebee back to its hive to get some honey.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you say “Yes Mam” to the local street hooker.
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if after taking control of an enemy town you enter the schoolhouse, see a bunch of sweat young girls standing around, and you yell “Fresh Meat Tonight.”
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you catch a deadly cobra snake and yell out to your buddies, “Fresh Snake on the Pit Tonight.”
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you enter an enemy village, find an old woman (grandma), a young woman (mother), and her two daughters age 12 and 15 and tell the sergeant, yeeeee dogs I’m gonna have’m all, I’m sleeping here tonight!!! ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080510-0108252008-05-09T00:00:00Z2008-05-09T00:00:00ZBritish surgeon and Australian 'digger'and moaning Australian 'digger':
Surgeoen: "My God, man! Did you come in here to die!" Aussie: "No, Sir, I came in here yesterday" ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-0106272008-05-03T00:00:00Z2008-05-03T00:00:00ZAnecdote Brantley boosily invited his commander to "drink some wine with a soldier."
"My boy, you have no time for drinking wine," Washington remarked, turning away.
"Damn your proud soul," Brantley cried. "You're above drinking with soldiers."
"Come, I will drink with you," replied Washington, turning back to take a drink.
"Give it to your servants," Brantley suggested, nodding to Washington's aides.
"Now," Brantley declared, having retreived his empty pitcher, "I'll be damned if I don't spend the last drop of my heart's blood for you."
Washington, George (1732-99), US general and statesman, 1st (unanimously elected) president of the United States (1789-97), member of Virginia's House of Burgesses (1759-74), commander in chief of the American forces during the Revolutionary war, chairman of the Constitutional Convention (1787) [noted for his military brilliance during the Seven Years' (1756-63) and Revolutionary wars (defeating, with French aid, General Cornwallis at Yorktown in 1781)] ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080418-2243042008-04-18T00:00:00Z2008-04-18T00:00:00ZArmy roll call "Ames" "Here!"
"Jenson" "Here!"
"Jones" "Here!"
"Magersky" "Here!"
"Seeback" " -- "
"Seeback!" " -- "
"SEEBACK!!!" " -- "
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side. ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080414-2239482008-04-14T00:00:00Z2008-04-14T00:00:00ZSwimming in German army The soldier is allowed to begin swimming without a special order of his seargant if the depth of the water he is marching in is more than half a meter. ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080410-2237402008-04-10T00:00:00Z2008-04-10T00:00:00ZDear Abby I have a problem. I have two brothers. One brother is a boatswain in the Navy, the other was put to death in the electric chair for a gruesome multiple murder. My mother died from insanity caused by syphilis when I was three years old. My sisters are prostitutes, and my father sells narcotics to high school students. Recently I met a girl who was just released from prison. She was sentenced for smothering her illegitimate child to death. I want to marry her. My problem is - if I marry this girl, should I tell her about my brother who is a Boatswain Mate.?
Sign Dilemma ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-2233542008-04-04T00:00:00Z2008-04-04T00:00:00ZSurface to Air Missile...]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080329-2229442008-03-29T00:00:00Z2008-03-29T00:00:00ZCivil War Humor ::: Soiled Doves of Gettysburg John Pimpernell's forthcoming book _Soiled Doves of Gettysburg_ dispells many of the myths surrounding Lee's invasion of Pennsylvania. Pimpernell's opening chapter deals with the myth surrounding the allegations of Confederate cavalry rounding up 'ex-slaves'. Pimpernell provides evidence that the gray-clad riders were actually intent on rounding up 'sex slaves'.
The scouring of bordellos for available women was all part of a secret plan concocted by Confederate President Jefferson Davis and Gen. Robert E. Lee to raise an army of loyal rebels deep behind Yankee lines. The plan called for Lee's 75,000 soldiers to find willing partners to whom they could pass along their Southern genes, following which Lee would fall back to Virginia and assume a defensive position for the next 14 years, at which time the products of this brief liason would presumably be old enough to serve in the Confederate army. This army of southern youthdom would then sweep down on the rear of the unsuspecting Army of the Potomac, most of whose soldiers would now be in their forties, and drive them from the sacred soil of Virginia.
The plan began to unravel when a detachment of Gen. A.P. Hill's corps, sent to Gettysburg to get some 'booties', ran into the advance guard of the Union army near a house of ill-repute known locally as 'The Seminary'. Hill himself was absent for much of the battle since he was trying his best to carry out his commander's orders regarding the spreading of sacred Confederate seed. The evidence presented by Pimpernell also suggests that Law's and Pickett's divisions were delayed due to missing their wake-up call.
Following Lee's defeat at Gettysburg the Confederate army limped back to Virginia having only partially accomplished their intended goal. Lee's inability to hold out for the required 14 years (certainly possible if Gen. Meade had been left in charge) left the product of the Gettysburg campaign unable to acheive it's intended purpose. Thus thousands of young would-be Confederates settled near Lancaster, Pa., where they were adopted by accomodating Amish families who raised them as their own. This worked out very well due to their predisposed love of horses and tendancy to wear beards and broad-brimmed hats. The entire plan was deftly covered up by former Confederate Gen. Jubal Early who drew attention away from the true objectives of the campaign with a series of diversionary attacks against former comrade-in-arms James Longstreet. ]]>http://www.miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080323-2231472008-03-23T00:00:00Z2008-03-23T00:00:00Z