Briefing The company sergeant is briefing the recruits:...
Military Diets Englishman, American and Russian An English soldier, an American soldier and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a tent while on a military exercise and the conversation turned towards how well fed each of them was....
Speeding Marine One day a police officer clocked a car driven by a marine at over 90 miles per hour. The marine, one of our older military veterans of three wars, immediately pulled over once he saw the blinking lights of the black and white Dudley Do-right on his bumper. ...
The Unusual Bet One day, a Army General was looking over the financial statements of the men in his division when he notice what appeared to be an error in one man’s bank account. The man, a private, had literally thousands of dollars in his account, yet made only the standard $790.00 a month that privates were paid at that time. Fearing a case of impropriety or worse yet, a potential spy in the pay of the enemy, he called for the young private to clear up the obvious discrepancy. ...
Letter Home When a young soldier left home for overseas duty, he told his girl friend that he would write her every day. Six months later he received a letter from her stating that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family and asked them to find out whom she married. The family wrote back and told him that it was ... the mailman. ...
Identification Request An Air Force security policeman was guarding a structure where aircraft were kept. When a pilot arrived to do a preflight check approached without his identification being visible, the policeman asked him for it....
Wooden Bayonet A Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so that he could pass inspection. He hoped he would not be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle, where he planned to pick up one from a dead soldier....
Russian Military Joke. Q&A. Question: Can a son of a General become a Marshal?
Answer: No, because every Marshal also has a son....
Barber A new enlistee had to have his long hair and sideburns cut. As he sat down in the barber chair, the barber asked, to his surprise, if he'd like to keep his sideburns.
"Oh, yes!" he said gratefully. Whereupon the barber cut off the sideburns and said, "Here — catch!"...
CONTRADICTIONS Here's a notice that was pasted on the bulletin board of company: "The following enlisted men will pick up their Good Conduct medals at the Supply Room this afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will result in disciplinary action."...
Charlie on Marines During exercises I was always intrigued to discover that large numbers of Marines used to queue up outside my helicopter, presumably hoping to be transported in my aircraft. I used fondly to imagine that they had instinctively recognised my talents as a pilot, until it was eventually revealed to me that the reason for my apparent popularity was that they thought my helicopter was better maintained than everyone else's!
The Bootneck is a crafty character!...
AT LACKLAND AIR FORCE BASE AT LACKLAND AIR FORCE BASE in Texas, we trainees were required to say "sir" before and after speaking to an instructor. Serving guard duty one night, one buddy had a hard time grasping the concept. A drill instructor approached him and asked how duty was going. "Everything is fine, sir!" he answered. "Airman!" the DI barked. "The first thing out of your mouth should be 'sir,' and the last thing out of your mouth should be 'sir.' Is that clear?" "Yes, sir!" the trainee blurted out. "This is your last chance!" screamed the DI. "Now, what is the first word to come out of your mouth?" "Sir, SIR, sir!" the airman shouted....
Recruiter with humor Was down at my local bank the other day and in the main lobby of the building is where all the recruiting offices are. I thought I would stop in and chat with the Devil Dog on duty, but he was out. But the sign he had on his door made me laugh. It read:...
B-52 There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked"....
Russian Military Joke.
Report A lieutenant reports to his superior, "Comrade Colonel, nothing of significance has happened during my watch. Only the dog died."
"Why did the dog die?"
"Ate too much of horse meat."
"Where from did the horse meat come?"
"We had to shoot our gelding."
"Why?"
"He was dying after being overloaded."
"How overloaded?"
"We carried water from the river in a big barrel, and the gelding dragged too many barrels."
"Why water?"
"Because we had a fire. The barracks all burned to ashes."
"That's what you had to begin with."
"Yes, comrade Colonel. I began with that when reporting to your deputy, but he died on the spot."...
MARINE ENTRANCE EXAM Time Limit: 3 Weeks ...
Humor In Uniform COMPLETING her basic training at Lackland Air Force Base, my daughter Priscilla was selected for special training at Fort Devens, Mass. Twice a day, her flight crew marched a mile back and forth to class. They marched to chow, to church and to everywhere else.
On her first leave, Priscilla arrived at El Paso International Airport wearing civilian dress and a pair of new high heels. We then visited relatives, had lunch and went shopping. On the way to the house, Priscilla leaned back in her seat and slipped off her shoes. "Boy," she said with a sigh of relief, "I wish I'd worn my combat boots home!" ...
Humor In Uniform THE COAST GUARD ACADEMY glee club was performing at the 1990 Senior Bowl in Mobile, Ala., and we cadets were put up with Coast Guard families for the weekend. My friend Rob somehow managed to borrow the district commander's car through his host-sponsor, and he used it that night on liberty. The next morning, we boarded a transport plane for the return trip. We had been airborne for 21/2 hours when the pilot's voice came on the intercom. I saw Rob's face go ashen as the pilot said, "The admiral's on the radio, and he wants to know which cadet has his car keys."...
Prison Breakout.... While serving with the engineers in Germany every February we used to do our intersection competition as Infantrymen. Not being used to walking every where, once we has finished a stand we would go to the nearest phone box and ring for a taxi and get it to take us with in a mile of the next stand. On one of these journeys we liberated a farmers barn for us to get our heads down for the night.. The next morning we where awoken by a dog barking it's head off at us and the farmer shouting Raus oder ich rufe die polizei then a brief cultural exchange of words ending with off was our response... The next thing we knew we where surrounded by the German police with guns drawn asking us very nicely to surrender as they thought that we where part of a breakout from the local prison, once they found out that we where British soldiers the farmer then invited us into his house for breakfast.....
Misfire.... While live firing in Canada we where using 66mm until we ran out of live ones. We then started to use the sub-caliber weapons, which we had signed, out of the stores. One of the weapons refused to fire the round. The Ghurkha safety officer then decided to follow procedure for misfires on live rounds.. After about 10 mins he then took the weapon from one of the troop and placed it on the ground and sent the entire troop away. Then he proceeded to attach a lump of plastic explosive at the side of it, which he then blew up the weapon.. Our troopy had a hard time explaining this to the QM........
USMC Theory USMC Infantry loves USMC Air, because USMC Air saves USMC Infantry's ass...a lot, USMC Air love USMC Infantry because without USMC Infantry USMC Air wouldn't have nearly as much to shoot at, kill, and blow to hell...
Horatius at the Bridge
A Medal for Horatius The True Story ...
Russian Military Joke.
Inspection A general inspects an army division. He's lead to rocket launchers. Suddenly he notices a rusty bucket near the rockets.
- What the hell is that?!! Why isn't it painted?!
- It's a photonic reflector, comrade general.
- I know that it is a photonic reflector, why the hell isn't it painted?...
Bad News, Good News, and REALLY Good News A man hits the bars in San Francisco and decides to walk over the Golden Gate Bridge. In his drunken stupor he gets up on the rails, slips, and falls to his death. The next day his family doesn't know where he is, he doesn't show up to work, and a missing person report is put out. The Coast Guard searches the bay for three days and finally comes upon the body. After pulling the dead man out of the water, they notice that there are four crabs and three lobsters attached to the corpse. After positively identifying the man, the Captain aboard calls up the man's wife and tells her that there is bad news, good news, and really good news. ...
Recce Mechs We had a Recce mech serving with us on exercise in Germany; all through this exercise he had been nothing but a pain in the arse by dropping everybody in the shit in one way or another. At end ex a piss up was held at squadron HQ who had been using a porta-loo for the last 2 weeks that still hadn't been emptied yet. After a few yellow handbags where drunk this mechey decided that he needed to use one of these porta-loo's. Once this poor sod was inside it was decided to give this loo a good shaking, however after a few beers you tend to forget your strength instead of shaking the loo ended up falling straight onto its door this poor soul could only cry for help until his mates from the fitter section came along to let this shit soaked soul out...
Falklands ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Foxhole Medic ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
TOP FIVE: DRILL SGTS WON'T TELL YOU 1.SOMEONE DONE LIED TO ME! THIS AIN'T NO 9-5 JOB!
2. ALL MALE DRILL SGTS'S EXERCISE IS SAG IN THE MIDDLE/FLEX YOUR BACK
3. THAT THEY ENJOY HAVING FEMALES TRAINEES DO LEG SPREADER EXERCISE.
4. "YOU PRIVATES MAKE ME SICK!"
5. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SPORTING THIS UGLY A%$ HAT. ...
Waiter ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Russian Military Joke. Statistics Announcement of the statistics on the highest adultery level:
- The first place is hold by movie stars!
- The second are theatre actors!
- And the third is the Navy!
Someone shouts back:
- What??? I've been in the Navy for thirty years and I have never ever cheated on my wife!
Someone else shouts him back:
- It's because of dickheads like you we are only third!...

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